Weddings in Azerbaijan

There is one topic that occupies most everyone’s mind this time of year and that is weddings. It is now wedding season in Azerbaijan which means that everyone knows at least one person, usually more, who is getting married. I thought American weddings were a big production! The whole marriage process from courtship to after the final ceremony is a huge undertaking here and a significant part of the culture which involves the ENTIRE family.
A man decides he wants to marry a particular woman and he then goes to his family and informs them of his intent. They then form a delegation and go to the prospective wife’s home to discuss the matter with her family. The negotiations may take a while and usually involve at least 4 visits by the man’s family. When they are served sweetened tea it signifies agreement on the part of the woman’s family. Then there are large engagement parties thrown by both families and finally the wedding which may be one or two years after the engagement but maybe sooner or later depending on when is best for the families.
Shahla’s husband’s cousin got married last weekend and we were all invited to the affair. This entailed a new haircut (see previous posting) a new dress, new shoes, new purse, jewelry- the works. Weddings take place in large banquet halls in restaurants or hotels not dissimilar from the United States. The groom’s father is a prominent politician in Azerbaijan and quite wealthy so the wedding was in a huge room with over 500 guests.
The focus of the evening was food. The tables were stacked with a myriad of different salads and bread and beverages- but no alcohol for the women!! Each table had its private serving boy who kept a steady supply of tasty fruit juices in our glasses. The guests arrived first and then later the couple came in together and sat up on a stage overlooking the guests. There were about 3 different T.V. station style video cameras with cameramen recording the whole event. There were televisions in the room so we could catch all the details if our backs were to the front of the room. There was also a very odd laser light dancing around the walls, either advertising or making different and often distracting designs.
The live band played great traditional Azeri dance music so dancing was a must. Azeri traditional dancing is not difficult, no complicated steps (if you’re a woman) just a little foot shuffle and some arm waving to the beat of the music and you’re a pro- pretty easy compared to swing or salsa. The couple even had hired three professional dancers to perform. It was incredible! (See Picture)
The evening pretty much revolved around eating a bit, dancing a bit, eating a bit, and dancing a bit. The couple did not circulate among the guests but the parents did. The couple spent much of the time sitting (and not smiling) on the stage and being photographed with different groups of guests. There was also very little if any at all religious aspect to the wedding. They signed a paper and that was about it from what I could understand. That may be this particular wedding so I don’t want to generalize about all Azeri weddings
It was a very interesting evening and I had a lot of fun dancing and getting to know more of Shahla’s HUGE family. They are all incredibly funny and kind. The next day we were invited to her Aunt’s house and her Mother-in-law’s sister (Aunt-in-law?) asked me if I wanted to be her daughter-in-law. I said I was too old for most men of marrying age. But then she pointed to her gray-haired son and said – how about 44?
As with the make-up- I sadly had to refuse.
Then three days later, Shahla’s Mother-in-law had to go to another party. This was a party of the women from both sides of the family who go and confirm the virginity of the bride by examining the bed sheets from the wedding night.
It is incredible to me how much the family is involved in the lives of the couple. And in general how large a role families play in everyone’s lives. It causes me to ponder…